I have come to a crossroads in my religious life.
Recently I had attended service at a church I have been frequenting regularly. The pastor began preaching on a couple of topics that are near and dear to me.
I don’t care to get into these issues in this particular blog, other than I come to my beliefs from a place of love and I feel VERY strongly about them, and that they run completely counter to the traditional conservative Christian mindset.
As I sat there listening to an otherwise nice pastor completely trash something dear to me, I realized that I had that exact same problem at my home church. I love my home church, the pastor, and the congregation, and miss them dearly.
I moved too far away to attend regular services at my home church, but it is likely I would have had this same experience at that church as well, for many times I can recall sitting in that pew, squirming and biting my tongue in anger.
Here, in a nutshell, are my beliefs about the Bible:
The Bible, though divinely inspired, was written down by men. Therefore, everything contained in the Bible is written through the filter of conservative, Jewish, Middle Eastern men.
The version of the Bible that most people read (KJV) was edited, with some books left out. (I don’t yet know the history of the other versions, as the KJV is the only version I’m familiar with.)
The disciples, though they loved Jesus and followed him to the best of their abilities, still didn’t completely “get” what he was all about. Therefore they oftentimes attributed their own thoughts and feelings about issues to Jesus.
The Bible as we know it, has been translated from its original languages such as Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek. Therefore, there is plenty of room for error in translation.
The only way to get true, error-free understanding of the Bible is to learn the original languages and read the original texts yourself.
Due to the preceding statements, the only parts of the Bible I put complete faith in are the words in red. Jesus own quotes. Even then, I take them with a very small grain of salt, owing to the possibility of translation errors.
Jesus was a very compassionate man. He did not condemn others. Nowhere in the Bible did He HIMSELF even mention any sort of opinion on the subjects in question.
So, during that fateful service, I sat there broiling in anger and sorrow. I realized I could no longer, in good conscience, attend a church that spewed vileness and hatred in Jesus’ name. That misled its people with good, but misinformed, intentions. That I could no longer in good conscience or in good faith, attend any church that taught as such.
That from that church, and even from my home church, I was in exile.
In Exile.
It hurts. It hurts to think that I must be cut off from these churches. I feel it in a way that anyone in exile from their homeland must feel.
But I realize it is the sort of hurt that comes from pulling a troublesome tooth. That it is raw, and sore, but I am the better for it.
It frees me. I have given myself permission to see what’s out there, and to find a new church. And if I’m unable to find one in my area that I feel comfortable with, that it’s perfectly fine to have solitary Bible study. If it comes to that, I will miss the companionship and warmth of a congregation, but I will not sacrifice my peace of mind just so I can be misled with a flock.
I am in exile. But it’s ok.
I am in sorrow. But it’s ok.
I am now a wanderer. Again. But it’s ok. I will find His path. And when I do, I will follow it the best I can.
