Just whining

I just needed a safe place to vent, outside of my normal blogging venues.

My big lesson this year, it seems, has been keeping my own counsel. I have to refrain from a lot of social activities, due to a tight budget. I have been having problems with some friends, and betrayals of trust with others, and I'm not able to ask for advice without causing troubles amongst other friends. I have had to keep some of my activities to myself, or risk the judgment of others whose opinions I value dearly.

Due to my husband working away, I have learned from experience I have to watch who I talk to and where I go, for appearances sake. I have to be careful about whom I invite over to visit for the same reason.

All of this is unnatural to me. I'm used to living freely and openly and not giving a damn about what others think or say about me.

I'm not used to living this way. I hate it. I am lonely and frustrated and have no one to turn to, other than the person in the mirror. And she looks unhappy and old and doesn't want to hear me whine anymore.

I've had the cushion of close friends for so long, it's made me comfortable and confident with the idea. Perhaps I should have learned my lesson many years ago and remained the Cat Who Walked Alone.