Gun control and my thoughts

So, social media sites have been ablaze with posts for and against gun control since the recent school shooting. Thought I'd throw my two cents in. I don't follow the politics of gun control, or all the terminology. So you're not going to hear a logical debate here. Just my thoughts and feelings.

Once upon a time, I would have been all for gun control. I am a pacifist. I don't like violence. I don't like killing. A bad person with a gun will use it to harm or kill somebody. I had no problem with rifles, shotguns, etc., because those are used for hunting, and rarely used for personal acts of violence. (Though I have some hang-ups about hunting as well).

A handgun's sole purpose, however, is for shooting people. You don't hunt with a handgun. I had little problem with the idea that all handguns should be rounded up, bought back, whatever. Though the logical side of me argued back that if that were to happen, only bad guys would have guns.

This particular line of thinking was reinforced by the fact that I would have a quiet little anxiety attack every time I saw a gun, handguns in particular. Since it was rare that I ever actually saw one though, I never really took time to think through why I had developed that particular phobia. On very rare occasions, family or friends would target practice and I would try to join in, but my anxiety was so high that I would miss terribly.

Several things caused me to re-evaluate my stance on handguns. About a year ago, I made a friend who occasionally carries a pistol, and he wanted to target practice. He offered to let me practice as well, but my anxiety was so great from even holding a gun, that as usual I did terribly. All I could focus on was trying to make my anxiety indiscernible and hide the fact my hands were shaking.

Being afraid of something pisses me off and makes me more likely to confront whatever it is I'm afraid of, because I don't like knowing something out there has a power over me, or brings out an uncontrollable reaction.

So I asked myself one night -- You seem to be afraid of guns. Especially handguns. Why?

The answer stemmed from an incident in high school. I was dating a guy whose family was very into guns. His brother was somewhat unstable, and during an argument with my boyfriend, he drew a pistol on him. I was standing next to my boyfriend, and I suddenly realized that if this went bad, I likely would be shot too. He had no beef with me, but I would have been a witness and people do crazy things in the heat of the moment.

I don't want to carry that fear any longer. Due to my husband's job, I'm essentially a woman living on her own.Someone may try to break in, or I may get accosted while walking the dogs at night. I want to be able to take of and protect myself and my family.  I also recognize the fact that if some people had been armed during the shootings at the movie theater and school, that the end result could have ended up very different.

So no. I no longer advocate gun control. In fact, I support people having handguns. The reasons why are personal and selfish, but the ends justify the means. It doesn't really matter why I personally want guns to remain legal, so long as they remain so.

I'm also considering getting training and a concealed weapons permit, though I'm waiting till the financial timing is right.

So, there's my $.02.

Bucket list revisited, and more

1. Become fluent in Spanish.

2. Learn to play guitar.

3. Visit a family member who lives in California.

4. Go to New Orleans.

5. Take a mechanics class/learn about engines.

6. Take a self-defense class.

7. Learn to swing dance.

8. Master bellydancing.

9. Learn other formal dances.

10. Publish something -- book, short story, or poem.

11. Get a tattoo.

12. Learn massage therapy.

13. Conquer my anxiety and its symptoms.

14. Become competent at sewing.

15. Do something of an activist nature -- participate in a protest or rally. 

16. Learn to drive a stick shift.

17. Picnic in a pine forest.


So I've crossed another thing off my bucket list. I went to massage therapy school, loved it, met a lot of great people. Now I'm working as a massage therapist part-time at a chiropractor's office. I'm enjoying it very much. 

I'm really working at becoming more comfortable in my own skin. It's taking me places I haven't even considered. I've re-evaluated my thoughts on everything from religion to sexuality. It's left me at a weird spot where I'm feeling more comfortable with myself, but too fragile to share with anyone but my hubby and closest friends. 

I'd really like to share who I'm becoming with my family. I'd like to get to know them better, and conversely, them know me better. However, I'm already the oddball of my family as it is, without adding more elements to cast me in the role as different and that I sure have strayed from my raising's. Also, there are certain parts of my life I feel are private, and should remain that way. I guess I'll see what happens as I grow.

Also, I got another tattoo, which makes 2 for me now. I'm thinking of getting another one later on, plus some more piercings besides the industrial and eyebrow. Modifying my body is another way of my becoming more comfortable in my own skin.

My New Year's suggestion this year is to pay more attention to my blog, besides the incredibly sporadic writings I post now. I'm aiming at posting once a week -- we'll see how that pans out.