What Christmas shopping with the kids has taught me:
* Children can use the restroom before and after eating a meal at a restaurant, and still need to visit two rest areas and the mall bathroom as soon as you arrive.
* Children can eat at a restaurant and be hungry again an hour later.
* My son can look at the same Goth chick I think is cool, and tell her, "You're scary."
* I need a pull-string and speaker box, with the phrases, "Watch where you're going, hun!", "Don't touch that!", and "I'm sorry!" played at random.
* That you cannot browse leisurely through Spencer's Gifts, for fear that your kids will see products meant for those far past their tender years. And that your efforts at telling them to "Stay up front!" will be thwarted by the fact of, "But that's where the cool lights are!"
* That children braving the restroom on their own will want to test the acoustics of said facilities, much to the amusement of the adults standing outside.
* Despite using the restroom before leaving the mall, they still have to visit the rest area five miles from home.
Conclusion: My children must have the smallest stomachs and bladders in the history of mankind.
Also, my son can do an amazing robot impersonation, and his robotic laughter kept me in stitches for a good 15 minutes, despite my bone-weary, dead-eye tiredness.
